a story from long ago

 I have written tons of stories in my life, but never published any. I did get brave somewhere around 2004 or 2005 and take a class on writing for children. I learned a LOT; but the biggest thing was I didn't want to write children's books, although I had a few thoughts that would have made good books. Maybe someday. HA. 

This was one of those stories that came out of WHO?? and why? It is a dark story, with very little hope in it. I'm hoping that Daisy found her legs; maybe I'll have to write another story to find out how. I think now that she has conquered the slide she will conquer the world. She'll find the silver lining. 

Sliding Down

Here I am in the park. The wind is making the swings move. It looks as if someone's there, but nobody is. There's a cup just sitting in the sand, making it look as if somebody just left. It's still early though. It must have been from yesterday.

I'm not good at cartwheels any more, my legs always go the wrong way, since the accident. Nobody is here, so maybe I could just leap, and do cartwheels, and pretend that my legs are still perfect. Nobody's here to call me "Crazy Daisy" or anything. I am so tired of people. Nobody understands. Nobody wants to understand.

I lay down in the fragrant grass. Over and over I roll. I'm really getting dizzy. I start to giggle. This must look silly, me rolling in the grass and laughing all by myself. It's why they call me crazy. I laugh until I cry, and then I just cry.

What I need now is Shadow. I miss her an awfully lot. She was a big black dog with a wet cold nose who would never tease me. She wouldn't call me names even if she could. She would lick my face, and wag her tail, and whine because I was crying. Oh if I could just hug her and snuggle up. But she's not here any more, since the accident.

I make my way over to the slide. I wonder if I can get all the way to the top. There's nobody here to rescue me, if I get stuck. I don't care. I grab the metal rails and pull myself up a few steps. It sure makes me breathe hard! A few more. I'm far enough up so I can't go back. It's scary.

I'm at the top now. You can sure see a long way from here! I remember when I was little-- not that I'm grown up now, but when I was littler-- I used to love to slide down this slide. Nobody teased me then. We would run and play for hours, our moms would sit on those benches talking and laughing. I can almost see her, smiling at me. I wish time would go backwards and my mom would be here, watching me. I wish she would be anywhere. I can hardly remember what she looked like anymore, I have to  look at pictures.

I don't remember the accident. Afterwards, they didn't know if I would ever wake up. I didn't want to wake up. I remember that part. I could hear people talking, but I couldn't say a word. I heard them say that they didn't know if I would make it. They didn't know if I would ever be the same. It was a long time until I could make myself really wake up.

I'm awake now. The breeze is blowing through my hair. I shiver even though the day is warm. I'm finally sitting, ready to slide down but I am afraid. It took a long time to get my legs around in front of me. I know my legs won't stop me very well. They are slower now. They were broken in so many places that they will never be good legs again.

Sandra told me I distracted Mom with my temper tantrum. She says I was mad at Mom and was screaming to go home. She says it was my fault that Mom and Shadow died.

Daddy says it just happened. Daddy doesn't hate me the way Sandra does. Daddy lets me sit on his lap and cry until I can't cry any more. He strokes my hair, and lets me cry. He says Mom is in a better place now. He says she isn't suffering anymore and that she's looking down on us all. Daddy says we have to try to Go On. Daddy says it happened for a reason, and that there will be something good to come out of it. I don't know. 

I'm inching my way down the slide. Any minute, it's just going to make me slide fast. Any minute, and I will be sitting in a heap on the ground at the bottom of the slide. It's going to hurt. My legs will hurt, and maybe I will hit my head. Maybe I won't. 

Can you see me, Mommy? Can you see that my legs don't work, and how bad I feel? Do you forgive me for being so selfish? Do you forgive me for making you die?

 I have to keep trying. I have to work hard, and maybe I can walk again. Mommy, will you be proud of me? 

Here I am in the park. The wind is making the swings move. It looks like someone's there, but nobody is. Mommy? There's a cup just sitting in the sand, making it look as if someone just left. It's still early though, that must have been from yesterday.