my my that was an insane time. An interim pastor, hired someone new, he was unsure what the job was, so he decides to take a 2 week vacation and leave the training to me. Ummm........ looking back it's rather hilarious but I tell you being in the middle of it, was not. Fortunately, Ellen (the new hire) was great. We laughed a lot, and I basically told her what M. did, and we got through it...
MARCH 19, 2005
life statements…
I’ve never been a goal setter, always lived in a reactionary sort of way. But as I write that, I realize that isn’t exactly true. My goals as I graduated from high school were to go to college, major in music, and teach. At that time, however (late 60’s) women were not exactly encouraged in those directions– at least my parents and friends… My parents felt it was rather a waste of time for me to go to college, after all, I was just going to get married and that would be that.
Never did figure out how to reach those goals. Due to circumstances, had no confidence. Got married– married a youth pastor, who could be safer?
Sigh.
From then on, I think I lived in a reactionary sort of way. I had 5 children, home schooled them, took in a foster child. I was a wife. In that scenario, I was so busy– I didn’t think much. I didn’t want to think. Just getting through one day was exhausting, and I shoved every discomfort and thought of taking care of ME away.
It took 20 years for me to get the nerve to deal with stuff from years ago. Ended up having a breakdown. In counseling for 6 years, I emerged– and DH couldn’t take that me. Divorced after 25 years of marriage. I got married right away– too scared to take care of myself. Ended up being a good decision, fortunately I married a good man.
I’ve come a long way, but still have a long way to go.
Life goals– to be expanded.
1. To become a more kind, loving, person in such a way that celebrates my femininity. Explore ways of being more feminine without compromising myself.(2020, giving myself an eyeroll)
2. Continually work to improve my state of health and diminish pain.
3. Finetune my time management techniques, organizational skills, and boundary setting to make my work as efficient and enjoyable as possible.
I’m way behind, it is a horrendous season at work, Lent and all, in a liturgical church. Bulletins coming out my ears, and severe hip pain to complicate things. And would you believe, a funeral during Easter week to make it a total overload. Not as bad as it could have been, with my improved organizational skills. My boss is retiring next month, they have decided not to replace her. Guess who it all falls on?
My first response is to hightail it outa here. LOL… two others are already gone. I am in the process of training a new receptionist. A new person (small group leader, and we don’t even have small groups!!) will be here in 2 weeks, and the pastor decided to take a 2 week vacation… so the training is on guess who?? And I am training her for what? Ummmm…. dunno. I wish I COULD just run. I am thinking that this could be a tremendous learning opportunity. As well as an opportunity to get the office running in a more efficient way. Without a business manager, well… it’s scary. I will be dealing with all this stuff.
Trying to be more positive. It feels like there are these choices, either look up or down. Up feels like grabbing the opportunities, growing, living. Looking down, defeat and despair.
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