neurotic...

OCTOBER 16, 2009

neurotic

Wouldn’t it be nice if our walk was always neat and tidy and things were never out of whack? This morning I woke up to cat hair everywhere. Big tufts of it! I was kind of afraid to look for the cat, it looked like something died. She just had surgery, so hoped she had left alone her belly, but since her belly isn’t hairy, it couldn’t be that. But there’s a spot on her side where she pulled out all her hair!  It doesn’t look infected or anything but I called the vet just in case. She said not to worry, it’s a pretty normal reaction to the irritation of all she’s been through. We had been given one of those cone collar things and she told me to have her wear it for a couple days so she can’t bother it.

The dog is already wearing one. He gets ear infections and then won’t leave them alone and gets them raw and shredded. He’s got one now. Most of the time he’s okay with it, but sometimes it drives him batty and he runs around like a crazy dog.

The cat just runs around like a crazy cat right away. She just won’t tolerate it at all.

Just like me. I’ve been going through armloads of trials lately. Sometimes it makes me want to run around like crazy. But, just like those collars for the pets, it’s for my own good. Even though as a human I understand this concept, it doesn’t always stop me from running around like crazy trying to get out from under the trial. If only I would just submit to it, as something that is for my eventual healing, it could be easier! We are told to be joyous in our trials! What?? Joyous when my nephew is suffering with cancer, a friend has myeloma, when my car got smashed, when my pets are sick, when the roof leaks, when little 5 year olds are going through chemo, and my husband’s job may be ending?

The thing is, I have a choice to make. I can sit around and mope. I can crawl into my little hole and feel sorry for myself. I can rant and think it isn’t fair that my 35 year old nephew and 5 year old Daisy and my other friend with cancer are going through what they are.  I can hold on to that car and have a little tantrum that I have to give up my really nice car that wasn’t someone’s nearly worn out hand-me-down. I can let myself go crazy with worry about the people and pets that are sick.

OR…. I can put all things in the hands of my Heavenly Father. I think I end up doing both, and I don’t think that it is bad to grieve the loss of my car, or worry about my friends, nephew, and pets. There are times for that. We are not going to be 100% jumping-up-and-down joyous all the time. It is when I feel like pulling my hair and running away that I need to pay attention and go to the Lord. He is providing our needs!! He provides even when I don’t notice. Instead of drowning in my own self I need to commit that self to the Lord, AGAIN… and ask His forgiveness for my unbelief. I need to use the resources that the Lord has given– such as call the vet, to arrange for an appointment with my counselor, to talk to my friends, most of all to pray for my friends, my nephew, and for myself.  To stop and eat. To take a walk. Call my brother and see how HE is holding up with all this. To leave a message on Daisy’s blog (the 5-year-old with cancer– prayfordaisy.tumblr.com — and pray for others in similar situations. To take my naturally depressive, selfish, sinful self and turn around. Again. Thank You, Lord, for loving me even though I am all that and more. You have blessed me SO MUCH!!!   Even though I and my household seem to be neurotic.