What you think you can't handle.....

This is something I wrote a long time ago, and since I'm working on letting my other blog go, I'm copying a few to put here .... this was during the time I was trying to take care of Kerry's mom, and Grandpa was sick, and there were three weddings in one summer, we were trying to sell Kerry's mom's house, and my mom was freaking out because she had spent the last 70 years with my dad and was facing losing him, Loretta was not doing well, and I was trying to handle everything... it hit me again, because this pandemic stuff drives me crazy, and I want to see my kids, and I want to meet baby Joseph before he grows up, and I hate being alone so much even though I AM an introvert. It's crazymaking, as you know. Trying to see positives, well, some days that's impossible. 

What you think you can’t handle — might actually be God handing you a gift.

And I say, I don’t know what to do about this current gift, Lord…. and my mind goes back to 1987. One spring day a phone call sent my world spinning. My dear friends had lost a son, he drowned when his family’s car went into the canal. He was the same age as and a playmate of one of my sons (Joel), and it was devastating. His parents said they knew it was God’s hand, but I struggled with it. A few days later I watched in horror as my father ran over my dog as I screamed at the dog to get out of the way. Another day in the same week the cows came home with their noses covered in porcupine quills. I had just had major surgery, the kind that kept me in the hospital for a week and a half as I fought infection and pneumonia and then two more weeks spent at my mother in law's because I couldn't have little ones jumping on me. I had been away from home for a MONTH.  I had only been home a few weeks. 
The same week, still weak from that, I discovered that I was pregnant. I had been suspecting it, but a visit to the doctor and a pregnancy test confirmed it.
My  doctor had told me Do Not Get Pregnant again, your body is weak from babies and surgery. And here I was, pregnant with #5 and my surgery incision wasn’t even healed yet.
I cried for days. I didn’t want to believe it. I told God there was no way I could handle all this, four littles and a newborn– while recovering from surgery?
I didn’t see it right away. BUT…. I read a devotional from Ann Voskamp...

What you think you can’t handle — might actually be God handing you a gift.

And I think back on all the years of an amazing gift… my son James.

I am crying, and can hardly breathe, thinking, how I railed at God, asked Him what He was doing…. and he was giving me a GIFT. And God not only understood what I was saying, He was there, patiently knowing how much joy that little boy would give us.

And I am SO blessed; not only do I have five wonderful kids, but each of them has an amazing someone that loves them, and they all warm my heart. And along the way I gained two more (step)sons, and two more daughters in law…. and a bunch of  little precious grandsons.

 so remember...
What you think you can’t handle — might actually be God handing you a gift. 

I love you, James.... and am so thankful you are my son. I don't get to see you often enough, or even know you enough. I hope we get to see you soon.

Mom