reminscing again, finding Ginny dresses, and misc. musings.

Their eyes are so dark I can't seem to get them to show up. The one on the right was mine when I was little, but the wig disintegrated years ago, and she spent long years bald. I finally found a wig that didn't cost an arm an a leg. I couldn't stand to pay $25 for a little dolly wig! Made $5 sound cheap LOL. The dress is one my mom made, it's a girl scout uniform. I found a bit of brown felt, and will make her a little beanie. I don't know if I will make any more dresses for these beauties, they aren't for playing for anymore, even though my Ginny works fine, she's still old. The "newer" Ginny is a bit pigeon toed, her legs don't work right, and her head is a little bit tipped. I think she's still cute. 

She needs some shoes, I think I have some her size but not sure where I put that box. Sigh. I also got teensy gloves for Betsy so her burned hand doesn't show. Everybody's got clothes now, still need to work on panties. 😉

I really like New Ginny's dress. It's from Cindy Rice. 

Did a couple more Rolodex cards today, and emptied a few boxes. I now have this collection of stuff I have no idea what to do with. My parents have escrow records way back from the 60s when they sold their house and bought The Land. I think you are personally supposed to keep them forever, but what about kids?? I don't know. And old keys?? I'd like to come up with something, because otherwise they are just going to landfill.. 

Trying to declutter and downsize, I have let go a few dolls so far, but then I ended up getting another few, but they are tiny ones, 3 of them only 4 inches tall, and so I think that's the way I'm going to go. Maybe to the police department for kids, or the homeless shelter, or something like that. I really was convicted I guess you'd say, thinking of why do I want to just keep stuff in a suitcase forever!! But there are a few dolls I have that are so old I don't think they would be good to play with, like Posey, and the Ginnys and Betsys and Shirley Temple especially. Right now the Ginnys are being displayed on my clean dresser along with the angels. One I got from the funeral home when Mom died and I love it. She has butterfly wings, which is what attracted me. The other was would you believe from Dollar Tree, and I repainted her. She's beautiful. 

I do have a hoarder's mentality. I prefer to think of it as a hunter-gatherer LOL I was reading a thing on personality types earlier. There was a quiz of course and it says I have a "cautious" personality. Yup. One of the things they said was that an advantage to a "cautious" personality, was being prepared. Yes, we already had a toilet paper stash, and a food stash... that's the way I am, from living an hour and a half from town. We had to be prepared, and I never lost that desire. Now I live a mile from a grocery store and I still hoard. LOL not like the folks with piles in their houses, although I have a room like that, like Grandma Butler's Middle Bedroom which was packed full...

And that's where the musings go. 

My beautiful Mary, that I got when I was REALLY small, I don't remember not having her. She still works except for her voice. She's sitting on my mom's treadle sewing machine, that also needs repair. My my my. I will never get everything done, LOL, and that's pretty far down the list. Mary is wearing a baby dress that I altered to more or less fit her. Still needs the sleeves shortened. I do still have her original dress but she looks so good in deep rich colors and not pale yellow. She's not for playing either, so I'm not making more clothes for her. That's a thrift store rescue in the back. She doesn't have a name. She's dressed in a cool newborn animal print outfit with a bright orange jacket. Still needs to be altered. 

It's all fun. I think I'll give away the rescue, when I get her outfit fixed, it will only take a little bit of time. 

I'm getting excited about giving away some dolls. I've been collecting them a long time but I don't  have thousands like That Lady on the Hoarders show. I got quite of few from thrift stores, and they were not in the best condition, and I fixed them up. 

So hopefully no one gets freaked out in my room, I think if someone is going to stay in there, I will hide the girls. 

Enough musing. Thanks for hanging in this far, if you are.

cookies!!

I am, unfortunately, famous for burning things. Foodish things. When I was in college, I worked for a family, for fifteen dollars a week (can you imagine? about 20 hours a week!!!) The mom had died, and they needed help with cooking and cleaning, and "babysitting" a nine year old. I knew NOTHING about cooking anything. I rarely cooked at home, didn't know much. So strangely enough, they hired this unexperienced nineteen year old (it was cheap LOL) I learned to cook with that poor family. (Not that I am that great now, but I get by) I did a great job helping with homework and such. We would watch Hogan's Heroes every afternoon and then he would do homework with help, and I tried to keep the house tidy. His brother and sister were quite a bit older, so I basically just took care of Tommy and then cooked dinner for the family.  I ate there sometimes, but usually didn't.  I learned how to cook with that poor family. I broiled pork chops one night and they turned out well but I neglected to clean out the broiler, until I turned it on the next time..... oh my.

Another memorable time also involved a broiler, many years later. I don't remember what I was cooking but it was in the broiler so long that the smoke alarm went off. The cows came running and stared in the windows. I was crying in frustration and then laughing at the cows and trying to figure out how to turn off the alarm. Fortunately it was not connected to the fire department or anything.

Today, I made cookies. I DID NOT BURN THEM. It's usually the last batch that gives me grief, because I think, well that's done, when I shove the last batch in the oven. But I FOCUSED today!!

My mother in law made wonderful cookies and taught me a few things. Undercook the cookies for one thing, just let them get barely brown. They keep cooking on the sheet. And don't leave the kitchen while the cookies are in the oven. Sit down, have a cup of tea. For me, FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS on the job at hand. DO NOT let yourself get side tracked. 

So I made cookies, thought fondly of my mother in law, and had some tea. Well it was coffee. Same idea. I stayed in the kitchen, used the timer. Was reminded of the time I set my mother in law to stir something while it was heating, and she complained it wasn't heating... turns out we both forgot to turn on the burner. 

So most people aren't proud of themselves when they don't burn the cookies, but I AM PROUD of my ADD self. 

And hubby is glad, and the people that I gave cookies too are glad, but they don't really know that I usually burn them, so they aren't proud of me, just thankful for cookies.

PS The chocolate chip recipe is on the bag of the chips. I collect all these recipes, then use the ones on the package. (eyeroll here!!) We get the  Ghirardelli 60% chocolate bittersweet chips. I also used less sugar, and half the chips and more chopped pecans. That way we can feel less guilty eating the high carb morsels. HA who are we kidding. 

PPS. My youngest child is 33 years old today. That means my oldest is 43. Crazy.

star of wonder

As usual when things like this happen, I wish I had a better camera. But I DO have a better camera; it's lost at the moment. GRR.

It was not foggy tonight. I got out the binoculars and saw the twin planets. It was wonderful. I should go out again and just look at stars. But it's cold out there. 

So here's a fuzzy picture but my memory is better than this. I am loving seeing all the pictures that people with good cameras have taken of the event. 

...

For we have seen his star in the East, and have come to worship him...

Just what was that star? Something like this, maybe a conjunction of planets? We could see this clearly, some more than others, some with good vision and no astigmatism... but it makes me wonder. I know, I know... God put the star in the sky. But how did he do it LOL

 

Heavenly musings

Tonight was supposed to be the big night to see Jupiter and Saturn in close proximity... I had my binoculars all ready, was prepared to watch the clock and get out there at the right time... but we had a little glitch in the plans. FOG. Now, I am quite delighted to see the fog, I love fog. And I know that the California coastal redwoods are so thirsty for the fog that they are stressed. So I was excited to see that maybe the fog is returning to us. HOWEVER. I would have loved it if it would have waited another day. 

It was foggy when we woke up and it never really burned off. It was overcast all day. Fortunately I have friends in other places that posted their pictures, and I am sure I will be able to find others. 

Thinking about this got me reminiscing about star gazing, which is one of my favorite things in the whole world. I've spent many hours watching the stars, seeing "falling stars" and teaching my kids about the stars. We would all get our sleeping bags and gather on my parents' deck and point out the constellations and watch the meteors during meteor showers. I remember so many brilliant streaks across the sky and every streak was exciting and prompted many oohs and aahs and "did you see that?"

Years later I remember standing outside and seeing it almost look like daylight for an instant. I could see it in other people's faces, but it was behind me. 

One year my daughter and son in law took me up the hill in the night for my birthday just to see the stars. We stood across the road from where we lived and just basked in the starlight. I don't know why, but it feels so healing to me, to be in the moonlight and the starlight. Now, in the city, I rarely see the stars. And hubby thinks I'm crazy wanting to go outside at night. But it's nourishing to be in the moonlight. It's like an "aaaaahhhh!" to me, I relax, and I gaze and wonder at God's creation. I need more of that. I need to take care of myself, and let myself meditate in the moonlight.

Not tonight, it's foggy. I wouldn't mind going out in the fog, but hubby has already gone to bed, and I did go out earlier.

My creativity was making dinner today. Cheeseburger pie! Salmon yesterday. And cleaning out cabinets. And deciding to let some of my dolls go. I just have too many. Sometimes you do what you gotta do.

Christmas musings...

Ian's snowman

Christmases past. Little snippets of memories, some memories of pictures, like John and me coloring sitting on the floor, a giant paper doll next to me, under the Christmas tree. Skip was there too, if I can remember. My mom and dad organized pictures, it's probably there. I remember they used to have a "Christmas" album but in later years, they were Album 1 and 2 etc. I haven't looked at them much since my mom died, since I took the albums home since she was going through the albums and throwing away pictures. THAT memory was horrifying, a giant sign saying, DEMENTIA.... but it was more than that, it was being somewhere with nothing to do, nothing to think about... and then, there's the guilty thoughts, I should have done more, the I shouldashoulda that does no good.

  

Can't find it right now, the whole Album 1 seems to be missing. It might be in a box still. Hope mom didn't throw it out. The  second album memories start when I was in high school, and when my brother got married. Hope I find the first one.

Anyway. Back to Christmas memories. We didn't "do" the Santa thing. My parents believed that it would be lying to us, to pretend. We had a Nativity scene, and we would put it out a little at a time, and add Jesus on Christmas Eve. The wise men would stay on the other end of the mantle until January 6th, Epiphany, when the arrival of the Wise Men is commemorated. 

When I was in high school, my family did a little vignette for a Christmas program, and I played Santa Claus. Ma and Pa were in their bed. I don't remember if John was there. It was fun. 

Some years, we had lots of people around. Usually my cousins and my Aunt Hazel. Sometimes more. Christmas Eve was a traditional  dinner with oyster stew, and frozen fruit salad. I was always told it was a New England tradition, and that's where The Family came from. It seems like it was a tradition in many places. Here's an interesting little article 

Eating Oyster Stew on Christmas Eve

   Rambling memories. My father often brought people home. I don't really know how my mom felt about it, but she seemed to be a good sport about it. I wasn't always, since I really didn't like sharing my holidays with people I didn't know! But looking back, it wasn't so bad, and we brought some compassion and cheer to people who otherwise may not have had anyone. Later, after I got married, we invited people over for Thanksgiving who didn't have any family around; that lasted a few years until we had kids. 

I just found a box of ornaments, and for some reason, many of them say "Olivia" on them. I think that way back when, we got ornaments for each child, but I don't think they ever got them. Another project.

I feel like I will never get everything done that I want to get done. Such positive thinking...

My favorite Christmas Eve memory was somewhere in the seventies. I was at my parents' house, I don't remember if I was married yet, or anything other than this little bit of a memory. My dad started singing "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" and flipped on the floodlights outside and turned off the lights inside. It was snowing, big white fluffy flakes. We all sat there in awe for a minute but then started singing along. Funny, that's all I remember, other than thanking God for the timing of the snow. It is such a warm memory. 

Another snow memory was looking out the window around 11 pm one night and seeing it was snowing hard but no wind. I woke up the kids, and bundled them up and we played in the snow. I don't know if anyone remembers, but I do. 

Enough rambling. I put a few more ornaments on the tree, and packed the rest in the box. I put out Ian's snowman, and a couple other unbreakable snowmen, but not the glass and ceramic ones, because of a certain cat. 

 

Dollhouse stuff (musings)

This crazy blog is kind of a strange thing. I always have this urge to document everything, and yet this is not exactly In Order, because I just put things here as I think of them.

And I have been thinking about my old dollhouse. It was the 50s. It was probably tin, it bent easily when played with. It was a 2 story thing, arranged as usual, with a kitchen, a living room, two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. Kind of like this one....     

https://images.app.goo.gl/yUa8en9rvNEXMotC9

I had a mishmash of odd furniture, some I made, mostly plastic furniture. I don't have the dollhouse, but I do have a little box with some of the furniture. There used to be a refrigerator but it got broken beyond repair. A bathroom sink, too, that who knows where it went. And a little sewing machine that you could crank and it would go up and down! I didn't keep many of my childhood toys, but I loved that doll house, but, like most of my other toys, it was given away without my consent when my mom thought I wasn't playing with it any more. This stuff must have been hidden somehow, because for some reason, I still have it, along with my "family"...

I never thought that my dollhouse family was odd. It didn't have a Mom and Dad and Big Brother and Little Sister like the families that you can get for dollhouses.  I remember one time asking my mom about my doll house family and she didn't remember anything about the doll house, much less the family. I just wondered why nobody ever got me an actual family for the dollhouse. All I had were these little porcelain dolls. I don't even know how I got them, and my mom didn't remember either. Who knows.

So my family was this strange assortment. The Cowboy, The Uncle, and the orphans. I remember playing that these poor neglected children lived with the Cowboy and The Uncle. I don't know what kind of a place they were running... there was nothing sinister in my play, I just played with what I had. They were precious to me, and as you can see, well played with.

I did some research and found out that the cowboy was from a Cowboy and Indians set, and The Uncle was actually someone's groom. The kids were supposedly quite common, they were made in Japan. I don't remember naming them, they were just The Orphans. 

Now the little box sits in Liv's doll house which is waiting for them to move into an actual house instead of an apartment. Oh well. Liv's dollhouse family was bears, and I made a Goldilocks clothespin doll who for some reason now has no clothes that I can find, and there are only a couple bears left. So I got her an new family for the house, and her play stuff is in a file box. So now they need a house, and we don't need a pandemic so we can go to that new house and deliver this house.

This little girl is about 2 1/4 inches tall. I really would like to remember where she came from, but I probably will never know. 

Maybe why I don't throw things away easily has something to do with my mom's attitude. I remember my aunt, after dinner, would whisk your plate away the minute you put down your fork, whether or not you had food on the plate. I always felt like my mom too was lingering by my toys, and would grab them if she thought I might have lost interest. I don't know how my dollhouse toys survived. They must have been hidden. I found out that my original-in-the-box Barbie had been given away when I visited the neighbors and found her brushing Barbie's hair, which, if you remember the original Barbie, was NOT intended to be brushed. I remember crying for days. So after that, I guarded my stuff. I guess I'm still guarding it. I guess that's also why I have a bookcase full of my kids' toys, waiting for grandkids who can't come. 

 

The Dictionary

A funny thing to be sentimental about, I'm sure. A dictionary? 

We were a home school family. I home schooled kids for a lot of years during the 80s and the 90s. This dictionary was something that got used a lot, since it was The Final Word for Things in the English Language. It's full of a lot of things that you don't think of as being in a dictionary, such as Flags of the World or Musical Terms or the Annual Percentage Rate Table for Payment Plans. Well, see the contents page below.

It was a book to grab when you wanted to know something, because there was a lot in it. 

However.

Now I use it for other things. I still look up stuff sometimes, but usually when I open it I am looking for dried leaves, or dried flowers, or papers that need flattening. At the moment it is on top of a linoleum block that needs flattening. As well as holding leaves and a flower or two. 

I don't know if anyone else is sentimental of a dictionary. This is the type of dictionary that was downstairs on a big stand in the library where I spent a lot of time as a child and teenager. The librarians knew me by name, I'm sure. I would enter every reading contest I could. I remember one summer we were supposed to read 25 books, and if you did, you got a little prize. Well I got to 25 pretty quickly, but I was embarrassed, so I didn't claim that I did all at once. The librarian knew, but I didn't tell anyone else. I read more than 100 books that summer. I got a little metal sword for participating in that. I still have it, as far as I know. 

My favorite book to read at the library was, you guessed it, that big old dictionary. In it, I learned that a "dude" was first used  to mean a pimple or boil on someone’s backside, caused by riding in the saddle all day when one wasn’t used to it. So it started out as derogatory term. Bet you didn't know that. LOL

Of course there was much more to know than that. Words are fascinating. Now, we have the internet, but when I was young, you had to look it up in a book. That book had so much in it that it was my first go-to. If I couldn't find it there, then there was the card catalog. If I couldn't find it there, then there was a librarian who knew EVERYTHING. 

I thought it would be fun to be a librarian, but other things caught my attention. 

So I love my dictionary. And the stuff that's in it.

 

Linoleum printing

Found a linoleum print done by my mother in law. I really want to try to print it, but it's warped. So it's going to spend time under The Dictionary. I heated it a bit with my heat gun, not enough to make it soft, but a tiny bit pliable. So after a few days.... we will see. 

I did find MY little container that has linoleum for cutting in it, found a stamp sitting there, stamped on it and carved it. I haven't done this in a really long time and it was not planned. But fun to just jump and do it.

Evelyn's linoleum carving... there's a crack in one corner, but it isn't on a carved spot. I don't know if I will ever be able to get a print from it, but I'm considering just framing IT because it is so wonderful.

LOL my feeble attempt today. I know that the other way (more carved) works much better. I did some in the long past. I don't even know how good the linoleum I still have is, it seems pretty soft. 

I wonder if my rose is around somewhere... I did it both ways, carving in, and one with the rose raised. 

I have done so many things. A little here, a little there. Hand made paper. I ran across the deckle, still waiting for me to have a paper making day. I will!! 

So... keep creating. Keep walking. Keep breathing.

Here are some other things that showed up today. The boys on the left and the right are my creations, the cowboy was on one of Paul's birthday cakes. And where do I put all this stuff LOL And where did Goldilocks dress go?? And there's Laurel Burch's cat. I just love that kitty, it's a stamp but it sits on the shelf, and moves around when I need to get to something. And makes me smile every time. So that's what this stuff is, stuff that makes me smile.

But here's the tastiest thing I did today.

My color seems to be teal at the moment....

 Kind of sad today. I'm trying to clear out stuff, but I get all stuck on the sentimentality. My dad would be laughing at me if he knew that I got all sentimental over those hog rings. Keep plugging along, right?

This is a stencil from Tim Holtz, but I'm not liking the results yet. I tried using a blending tool for this. I love the stencil but am trying to figure out how to get the detail. I'm going to have to watch Tim again and figure out why I loved the stencil...

Sometimes when I get things, they sit for awhile. This die was not the best die, that's what you get when you buy cheap. It took a long time to get all the pieces out. I did two of them, but the other one tore. Go figure, that's the one I turned into a card first.

The background on the left was a gelli plate that I dabbed with one of those produce bag things. I cut off the best parts of the die cut, so that's what was left. It's much prettier in person.

The thank you card I printed on computer (the greeting) and then added the peacock feathers. I colored with gelatos straight on the stamp, then misted the stamp to print. I love the dreamy look.

And that's how far I got today. I went through all my cards, and I'm going to have to get writing. Or give some away. I enjoy both. 

Now to go dig into my parents' stuff and find something else to cry over LOL

If you want to see crafty stuff you may want to skip this post...

I have found myself rather upset at whatever is going on in this world. Someone posted a meme on facebook that said "Asians are not a virus, Hispanics are not illegal, Black people are not threats, Muslims are not terrorists, Native Americans are not savages"

I reacted like the white person I am. I replied.... well.... put yourself in a white person's shoes (like me) and remember that not all white people think those things. Understand when we get defensive being accused of being racist, privileged awful people. Yes I understand that the "white" slant has been here from the beginning. It does not mean ALL white people think that's ok. Don't accuse people of any "hidden racism" if we say we don't think of people as one race or another. Because i don't! Don't nod knowingly and say there's my white privilege hanging out. I did not ask to be white. I am not personally responsible for anything other than my own attitudes. I don't like white privilege any more than you. There are lots of white people who have been hurt by Strong White Male syndrome including me. I have been sexually assaulted. I was forced out of a job because I didn't fit some man's standards. So forgive us white people for reacting and feeling attacked for being white! I know you are not personally attacking me but I can sure see the anger toward whiteness. I don't have to like being white but I don't have to apologize for being who God made me.

I am not used to classifying people. I am told that White People are Racists, they have White Privilege, and always have White attitude. Why do people of color not understand that what they say is totally insulting? Why can't we just be PEOPLE????? I know, we as a WORLD can't go on as we are, discriminating, letting White Power stand... I get that. I will work toward digging out the bits of racist things that exist in me as a white person.

 So if I must classify my friends..... I know an incredible Asian couple. Ellen is a fabulous cook, more traditionally Japanese, whatever that is. Suzie loves Mexican food. We grew up in the same church, she makes me laugh, and since we both have/had houses full of parents' stuff and both are insomniacs, I identify with her.  I rarely think about what color they are. I just enjoy Ellen's talents and Suzie's wonderful writing and building talents!! Then there is my gorgeous Latina daughter in law and my wonderful Latino son in law, and my seven half Mexican grandsons. There's also Billy, a former co worker who is transitioning transgender as well as Hispanic. I admit I do not currently know many black people, but I have in the past, I even dated a black guy for awhile. Then there is a Muslim friend, who is a wonderful quilt maker, and a cardiac physician's assistant.  I know no native Americans that I know of. Not sure I ever have, but I'm told that there's Native American back there somewhere in my family tree. Like Elizabeth Warren LOL  My white friends ancestors are from Russia. My husband's are from Germany. This nation is indeed a melting pot.

When passing through the midwest as a child, I wanted an Indian doll. I thought it was authentic. Turns out it was Made in Japan LOL I collected stuff that was made all over the world. A scarf from Poland. A poncho from Mexico. Some maracas a friend picked up for me. A zither from Russia. I loved the diversity. 

 

Really, I would rather not classify people. I was taught by my father to respect everyone.  He was always bringing people home. He brought home a Japanese guy from Japan for dinner when I was 4. The reason I remember so well is I knocked over a heavy redwood bench and smashed my foot, and our guest sat in the ER with me on his lap for hours. I remember one Christmas dinner with three elderly ladies from a local nursing home that didn't have families. He brought home a guy that was a teenage friend of our church organist who was afraid to go home because he thought his dad would beat him. My dad let him sleep it off in the garage. He brought home an entire family that were migrants living in the middle of a vineyard in a shack. He found them a place to live and a job for the mom. We had foster kids. I don't particularly remember who was what race. The one I really didn't get along with was Italian but it had nothing to do with his ethnicity. 

One of my dad's best friends was a Japanese man who worked for the California Youth Authority. Our families would go out there and play volleyball with the inmates. My parents arranged joint meetings with the African Methodist church in Stockton. He trembled during the race wars of the 60s. I remember him crying when we saw the red skies and smoke from the next city over. He worked hard for racial equality. He helped establish a church for migrants just outside of our city. At that time, it was not acceptable for black people to live in the city limits, although Asians and Latinos were tolerated... he would go to city council meetings whenever there were race issues. 

My ancestors are almost exclusively European White. In my genealogy study, I've traced some that could have been slave holders (couldn't prove it), some that were slaves ("indentured servants") from Ireland, and some that were Quakers and worked with the Underground Railway. Some were from Scotland and spent a couple generations in Canada. My ancestors were survivors, just like everyone else's. 

I hate that those European white people came to America, wiped out the native American populations, brought slaves from Ireland and Africa. I hate that before that, my ancestors were part of the Crusades.I hate that some with my color skin locked up Japanese during the war. I hate that my town is essentially segregated. 

I hate that some of the people with my skin color think that they are better than anyone else and want all folks of color out of the country. I hate that some people are so angry that they are looting and destroying some of our cities. 

I AM NOT THEM. I AM ME. I am a child of God. Yes, there are strange stereotypes that I have believed and rejected.  I remember the first time I saw a black person and I asked my father why they wanted to have such dark skin. I thought the color would rub off!!  I remember being afraid, at first, being out at the migrant camp. I remember feeling self conscious at the AME church. I remember in college being on a debate team with black kids and feeling like the odd one. I remember reading Black Like Me and seeing racial slurs on the bathroom walls at school. I remember becoming good friends with a black girl from that debate team. 

I remember agreeing to play piano and lead worship for a church group, and getting there and not seeing another white face anywhere. I remembered how they stared at me, and wouldn't participate, they just sat there. Was it cultural difference, or did they not want me there? I did not feel welcome, in any case!

I do know that our nation is unfortunately systemically favoring WHITENESS. Many of us whites are trying hard to reverse the bias. We must all work together to change it. I think we have made progress, as a nation, however that progress is in danger because of the political climate. Enough on that. 

I do have to do more thinking, what can I do now as an old lady to improve the situation? 

sick humor

The other day, my dear husband told me he thought there was a sick animal under the house. I asked him what it sounded like and he made a sound kind of a cross between a rusty hinge and a sick animal. I said, "Well the neighbors have chickens, maybe they have a young rooster just learning how to crow".  

He said, "It couldn't be that, it sounds like a sick cat or something"

Me: "If it was a sick animal it would be all the time. I think it's a young rooster."

Him: "well I'll wake you up early and you can hear if for yourself. Around 6:00."

When I was younger, I was an early riser. When you have lots of kids, you wake up early, usually when some child jumps on you and insists it is Time For Breakfast, even if it is 5 AM. Lately, with nothing to tell me to go to bed early, I have been known to sleep in until 9 or even 10. 

Me: "Are you serious??"

Him: "Yes."

So the next morning he wakes me up and we listen and listen and listen and nothing. Finally when I had quit listening, he says "Did you hear that?"

I have severe tinnitus. I can hardly hear myself think when I first wake up, much less hear what I know is a young rooster. I said, "No."

We go on with our day after my nap... it counts as a nap I'm thinking, because I am going back to sleep after having been Up. 

Fast forward a couple days. He says, "I think I figured it out. I think it is the neighbor's young rooster learning to crow!"

 

What a genius. I nodded and said, "I think you might be right!"

I try not to say I told you so. But it slides out anyway. "I told you that in the first place." 

He just grins. Today, I was out in the yard when I heard a sick sound. You guessed it. A young rooster learning to crow. 

This reminds me of Beyonce. I read this once a year or so for a few days of chuckles. It's very true, you need to pick your battles. Please forgive a bit of language and laugh until you cry. I do. Every. Time.

https://thebloggess.com/2011/06/21/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

Speaking of grocery solutions...

Almost every time, they've been giving us extra bananas. Order 4, get 6 or 7. So this time we only ordered two, so if we got extras then it is what we want. BUT today, no extra bananas. Ordered 4 onions, because usually no matter what we order of those, we get only ONE. So today?? We got SIX of them. Hmm. How about onion bread? I just remembered Chandra's carmelized onions. Bet that's not low carb, right?

 

Hoarders/Collectors

I watched a hoarding show today. Reminders... 

        My name is Lindy. I am a HOARDER/COLLECTOR. 

Her house was a 3 story "mansion" and mine is a 1 story... well ordinary 3 bedroom house. She had so much stuff you couldn't get upstairs. It wasn't dirty, just a LOT of stuff. Mine isn't dirty either. I remember watching one that was a cat lady, and there were bodies in there. And then there was the man who was missing for 3 years before they found him... I do not have animal bodies, or cat feces all over, or a kitchen full of stinky sink. I never did have animal bodies, but in one house we had around 5 cats and when we were moving found... stuff in corners. It's not like that here, and I have pretty much trained myself to not leave the kitchen dirty. I remember back when I was single parenting 5 and the kitchen was not always good. So I am not as bad as all that. BUT.... I am a procrastinator, I am a very good procrastinator. I have plenty to prove it. Like that wall hanging. I started that in around 2007. I finished the front quickly but then it got hung up in the store, just the front, and when I quit the job it just got put into a box. The back is now done and ready for quilting. It should only take me an hour or so. But still. 13 years????? And then there's that one sock that never got a mate crocheted, I lost the pattern. 

ok REMINDER TWO. I am highly distractable, which shows in that last paragraph, I can easily just wander around and get a little of this done and a little of that but never get done what I started out to do. I remember having a distinct schedule once. I don't remember what that was though. Something like, Monday kitchen Tuesday bathrooms Wednesday bedrooms Thursday laundry Friday I don't remember if that was it, but something like that. When I had kids here, I also had HELPERS. I struggled then, but the kids helped me stay on task, and got involved in the whole process.It also helped to have a foster child, because we got surprise inspections, and that is indeed motivating. 

Reminder THREE. I am dealing with Mom and Dad's stuff, even Grandma and Grandpa's chests and tables, the Civil War dresser that was my mom's treasure, tables and such that my father built, the ceramics that he made, the little boxes collection of my mom's that I love, the sweaters and hats she knitted, stuff that was Loretta's, Grandma Butler's, Evelyn's... a table that was my aunt's?? I look at their stuff, and they are all departed... and I KNOW that I am not throwing THEM out.... some of it that was Loretta's I took because she asked me to, she said she didn't want it just donated. BUT WHAT THEN??? I remember my mom "feeling the power" when my dad died and I think that's true, there's also a LOT here that is Kerry's, that he doesn't care about but does not want to let go.... go karts, a motorcycle that hasn't been ridden in around 30 years, a car that doesn't run... I think if I were (God forbid) left alone, well, I would call his sons and we would feel the power. 

Reminder FOUR These people in these shows have a team of ten or more to deal with stuff. They just pick it up and go. They hire a dumpster and dump it. I can't stand to think of that. If you donate it, however, there's a good chance it's going to end up in a landfill somewhere anyway. I don't even have ME that is good at throwing things away. 

One day at a time. I will celebrate the clean sink and clean bathrooms. That is better than it used to be. It's funny, I don't admit this stuff to people and yet I put it out there on a blog that is public. Reminds me however of my grandpa, who wrote a column in a newspaper, had articles in a magazine, and nobody knew until later. I didn't have the pleasure of getting to know my grandpa directly, but I see his heart in his writings. It shocked me to think that I don't share stuff with my kids, will they know ME by my writing?? 

A big help has been allowing myself to create. I thought for years that I couldn't until "stuff was done" and then I never got to it. And so I get out my autoharp or uke or keyboard and let myself play, and every day try to get some kind of creating done, project worked on.... no matter if I got "stuff" done. Then I usually end up getting something done. 

Lately I've been fighting severe depression. It helped that Michelle Obama came out and said she has also been depressed. I think we all are. We're sacrificing and isolating so we aren't part of the pandemic problem... but there's this little part of me that says, what if we're wrong, what if this is all a game someone is playing... and then I hear another report of another outbreak, and see lots of groups like the RNC and rallies and NASCAR and all the protesters... and this is a very conservative town, so there's that. it's all crazymaking. 

I know I am not alone in all this, but I really don't talk to anyone about anything, and that in itself is crazymaking, even for an introvert. I don't reach out because I don't know what to say, and yet I can write and write. Not only here, but I have notebooks full of writing, thoughts, stories, poems, art journaling, painting.... A bit strange don't you think?

 

Just Rambling

no new cards but I mailed 4 of them, and got one ready to mail tomorrow, but we're out of stamps.... so might drop it off where it's going since it's in town. 

.I should have taken a picture of "dinner" but I didn't think about it. I actually made a meal today.  Mongolian Beef, zucchini from the garden, rice, and artichokes. Kind of a strange meal, lots of veggies. It was PF Chiang's Mongolian Beef, we got it when we couldn't get any meat, and then didn't use it. It was pretty tasty, not as salty as I expected. Not much in the bag though, it was barely enough for two. Next time if any I will add more veggies. I might just find a similar recipe. 

Did nothing crafty today. I got a new cutter thing for my rotary cutter, so that's good. I also got thread and fabric from JoAnn's so I can finish my pillowcases, which were supposed to be finished awhile ago. Oh well. No kicking myself. Just move on. I found the flannel for the baby blanket for New Baby Coming Soon to my son.It hasn't been long since I made one, for Daughter's baby, so it should go quickly, I hope. I should write down all the hints since it wasn't a 10 minute project as promised.

There's a hurricane almost hitting land in the gulf. Everywhere there is always some danger, hurricanes, tornados, derecho storms in the midwest. The south has lots of humidity, the north has snow. 

California has earthquakes. So far not Big Ones in awhile. I don't really worry much. There's not an Earthquake Season to dread. It gets hot sometimes, like the 112 degrees last week. But not often. It's pretty mellow, and we don't generally get frost until mid November. So I think I'll stay here. The weather and grandchildren keep me here although I would like to be closer to my daughter and stepson. 

3 of my kids are celebrating 7th wedding anniversaries this year. 

Time just flies. Feeling OLD. 

What you think you can't handle.....

This is something I wrote a long time ago, and since I'm working on letting my other blog go, I'm copying a few to put here .... this was during the time I was trying to take care of Kerry's mom, and Grandpa was sick, and there were three weddings in one summer, we were trying to sell Kerry's mom's house, and my mom was freaking out because she had spent the last 70 years with my dad and was facing losing him, Loretta was not doing well, and I was trying to handle everything... it hit me again, because this pandemic stuff drives me crazy, and I want to see my kids, and I want to meet baby Joseph before he grows up, and I hate being alone so much even though I AM an introvert. It's crazymaking, as you know. Trying to see positives, well, some days that's impossible. 

What you think you can’t handle — might actually be God handing you a gift.

And I say, I don’t know what to do about this current gift, Lord…. and my mind goes back to 1987. One spring day a phone call sent my world spinning. My dear friends had lost a son, he drowned when his family’s car went into the canal. He was the same age as and a playmate of one of my sons (Joel), and it was devastating. His parents said they knew it was God’s hand, but I struggled with it. A few days later I watched in horror as my father ran over my dog as I screamed at the dog to get out of the way. Another day in the same week the cows came home with their noses covered in porcupine quills. I had just had major surgery, the kind that kept me in the hospital for a week and a half as I fought infection and pneumonia and then two more weeks spent at my mother in law's because I couldn't have little ones jumping on me. I had been away from home for a MONTH.  I had only been home a few weeks. 
The same week, still weak from that, I discovered that I was pregnant. I had been suspecting it, but a visit to the doctor and a pregnancy test confirmed it.
My  doctor had told me Do Not Get Pregnant again, your body is weak from babies and surgery. And here I was, pregnant with #5 and my surgery incision wasn’t even healed yet.
I cried for days. I didn’t want to believe it. I told God there was no way I could handle all this, four littles and a newborn– while recovering from surgery?
I didn’t see it right away. BUT…. I read a devotional from Ann Voskamp...

What you think you can’t handle — might actually be God handing you a gift.

And I think back on all the years of an amazing gift… my son James.

I am crying, and can hardly breathe, thinking, how I railed at God, asked Him what He was doing…. and he was giving me a GIFT. And God not only understood what I was saying, He was there, patiently knowing how much joy that little boy would give us.

And I am SO blessed; not only do I have five wonderful kids, but each of them has an amazing someone that loves them, and they all warm my heart. And along the way I gained two more (step)sons, and two more daughters in law…. and a bunch of  little precious grandsons.

 so remember...
What you think you can’t handle — might actually be God handing you a gift. 

I love you, James.... and am so thankful you are my son. I don't get to see you often enough, or even know you enough. I hope we get to see you soon.

Mom

Positively Disorderly

I'm cleaning in my craft room, and yes there are a lot of exciting discoveries. Like scissors. I can't believe I have so many pairs. And a few embossing folders that I wondered where they were. Of course there are things I know I have that I can't seem to find anywhere. But there have been a few treasures in there, and I've made a few cards with the finds. All the envelopes are now in one place, the card sets are all in one container for easy access. Of course I really want to re arrange the room. But not yet, I need to get stuff put away first. Sometimes it feels like it's never ending. Persistence is the key, just do a little, rest, do a little more. I hate having the choice of hurting and thinking or not hurting and not thinking. Pain relief comes with brain fog for me. So I just have to deal with it until I can't and then have a day of zombieness. Oh well. At least it isn't quite as smoky here. Tomorrow there's supposed to be more thunder and lightning. I think they said we're up to around 600 fires. Enough already.

I carefully vacuumed the porch swing, and now it's covered in ashes. It's too hot out there anyway. But still. I wish things would just stay done. Well this post is even boring to me, so I think I'll get back to cleaning.   

 

birthdays and sadness and thankfulness and trusting

so are birthdays sad? Sometimes, because the one who is having a birthday is so very far away and I have not seen my brother in more than a year, and before that,  years, and before that, years. And my mother and brother share a birthday, so that's sad too, because I can't wish her happy birthday, only in my thoughts. 

However, I have a brother. Even if he's far away and we have to work hard to stay connected. And with this pandemic, it makes me feel alone, because I often AM alone. I go outside and there is so much smoke from the fires it's hard to breathe. My little garden is suffering, it's full of ashes, and the zucchini doesn't ripen properly. Feeling like a failure with that. But it's not my fault we're in a heat wave, and there are like 500 fires in California. It's a long time until frost here, probably November, and I will probably have a bumper crop around October. And more tomatoes than I know what to do with. The yellow pear is NOT a yellow pear, however, they are ripening red, but they're pear shaped.

I've been working hard in the craft room, which I'd like to turn into partly a bedroom, so I can move the bed out of the dining room. It seems so endless, like I can't seem to make progress, but I can get into the craft room, and have even been making cards. I cleaned out 4 drawers, so I AM making progress.

Today's cards are odds and ends, things I had started, or that my sister in law did. She died this year, so there's more sad, I miss her lots. And as usual all the sad comes to the surface and demands attention. All the friends and acquaintances who died this year. Which reminds me that I need to write to Dorothy, whose daughter died a couple months ago. The sadness of seeing the numbers rise from pandemic deaths. The sadness seeing the hate and division in our country. Seeing my kitty lying around and wondering if Now is when she's dying. She's about 15 with diabetes, and intestinal issues since she had surgery from eating a bunch of sewing thread. But this morning she was speeding like a kitten from one end of the house to the other, leaping over furniture and landing on a chair and then falling off and racing out to the garage. Who needs television when she's acting like that!

This (above) is a stencil, then home made ink spray with Catherine Pooler inks

Found this stamped on a piece of paper in a drawer. I remember, stamped with crayola markers on a stamp. That was all I had at the time. I don't even know if I have that stamp any more but it was one of my favorites.

In Real Life, the purples match better, and you can't see the wrinkles, I may iron it a bit. This cross stitch was done by my sister in law Loretta, so I may send it to her brother for Thanksgiving.

I made this card awhile ago but loved it and didn't want to let it go. But I'm sending it to my brother for his birthday next week... That house is dry embossed from a little plastic rubbing plate in a kid's play set and then lightly brushed with distress ink. Twine from the Dollar Tree! Once in awhile there's some really good stuff there. 

Little by little, piece by piece, it's either getting put away or going in the out pile. This is still painful, since it's Loretta's, my mom and dad's, my mother in law's... who have all died in the last few years. 

So, birthdays and sadness. Thanksgiving and trusting come a little harder some days. 

More Cardmaking and Thinking

Sad days, it just feels like endless waiting. And in addition to a pandemic and a heat wave, California is burning up. You know how during an eclipse you can look at the sun through smoked glass? Well it was like that. 

There was ash drifting down everywhere. I went outside to check on my little garden and the plants were covered with ash, the ground was covered with ash, the car too. I didn't stay out long because it was coming down like light snow and I didn't figure it was good to be breathing out there. 

So I've been trying to declutter, and get things out to donate, and I decided to do some card making to use up a little stash as well as reward myself for working hard to dig through the piles and be brave and Let Go of Stuff.

This one is done with resist paper from a pad that I impulsively bought last year and never used any of it. Turns out it's fun, and a quick and easy elegant card with the "blessed" word die from I don't remember where. 

Sometimes when I am card making it's for something specific, or sometimes the plan is to replenish someone else's stash of my hand made cards. It's fun to make cards for them, and they love to use them.

Sometimes I am just making cards to make cards and that's today. So I don't know where they're going yet. 

I've been inspired lately by Jennifer McGuire. She comes up with such wonderful cards.

These next two are a two in one thing. I cut a cover die, then used it as a stencil on one card, and then used the die cut on the other card. And yes, I'm on a "blessed" kick, because I have been feeling blessed. Some days are such sad days, like when I hear of another friend or acquaintance who has died, and sometimes I have to force myself to think of what I am thankful for. There's so much. I am so thankful for a roof over my head, air conditioning, and that we aren't in the path of the many wildfires our state is dealing with, just to start. I am thankful I have a bountiful crafting stash. I am thankful that I remember how to quilt even though I haven't for awhile. I am thankful for the technology that helps me keep connected with my daughter and her family even though she's far away. I am thankful this heat hasn't killed off the zucchini plants even though they wilt nearly every afternoon. I told someone today to write down their thankful stuff, I need to follow my own advice more often. 

Simple patterned paper and a flower I got many years ago from an overseas Yahoo group friend. I used most of what she gave me a long time ago but this was in a pile that I was sorting and it matched the striped paper scrap so there you are. It looks like a more masculine card, so I'm going to find a sentiment that says "happy birthday" and send it off to my brother this week for his birthday. 

My brother and I have had our ups and downs, and he lives far away and I rarely see him, but once in awhile we talk on the phone. Sometimes relationships are valuable but need a little extra work, so there you are.

I saw this technique first on a video by MayMay Made It. It is SO quick and easy, it's just swiped ink on an embossing folder image. I've gotten so I do a stack of these and keep them on hand for a quick card. This is one of my favorite folders, and Tim Holtz distress inks, the little cubes, seems to work best.

I miss being out in a meadow like this. Early this spring, I let one little corner of the yard grow into a "meadow" and lo and behold there were some edible friends growing there. So I enjoyed a little browsing in the garden snipping off some tasty morsels, and learned more about mallow, and how to make a throat tonic from it. So even though I am not living in the country any more, I can still have a bit of country here. There's still one plant out there I've been watering, I have no idea what it is, but it's fun to just wait and see. And there's a dove that greets me out there every morning with a little "good morning" song.

A long time ago I made a bunch of cards with the red "Just Because" that I printed on the computer and just cut it to this shape.and tore the top. I found this lonely one in a pile, and saw another scrap of patterned paper to pair it with. The flower sticker on the bottom matches much better in person, it looks purple, but it's really red. 

My craft supplies are getting more and more organized and it is so fun to just be able to go in there, and whip out a few cards with very little effort. 

So if my house doesn't burn down, I should be able to really get going on card making and other crafting again, I feel so much better when I make time to make things. There are a bunch of rocks I washed for painting, some have a base coat on them. A wall hanging just needs quilting. A quilt is all cut out and ready to piece. 

 And so I write and write, and nobody reads, but still I have this desire to document my life somehow. I know my Grandpa Linton was the same, I come by this naturally. I wonder how things would have gone with him if there was internet? Hmmm.