November 12, 1918

November 12, 1918. Fairmont, Minnesota. WAR IS OVER the headlines screamed. Still in the middle of a pandemic.

My parents found this newspaper in my grandparents' things. Newspapers were a little different then. So and so was on vacation, someone else had company. "Calf show Delayed due to influenza. Set for December."

"The Boy Scouts... pulled turnips Saturday afternoon for Joe Mills, who is still in bed as the result of the flu. He is getting stronger, and we hope he will soon be around."

Joe Mills was my grandfather! My father was not even born yet at this time.

Family memories... not mine, not even my father's. I remembered when my parents decoupaged this piece. They got the frame from the thrift store and it had the most adorable cat and dogs playing tug of war. I was mad for awhile that they got rid of that print and replaced it with an old newspaper.

But this is history from Fairmont, Minnesota. It's been sitting out in the garage. What do I do with it?? But it's family history (but it's big and clumsy and I have nowhere to hang it) You ought to save it, someone might want it! (who? Remember the book...)  

Making progress, letting go

This is a high chair that my mom refinished many years ago. I am sadly considering letting it go. I don't really want to, but on the other hand nobody sits in it, and it hasn't been used in many years. The only grand kids that are still young enough live 1,000 miles away. It's time for someone else to love and use it.

It's kind of crazy, I know. It's like giving up a dream. I always wanted to be a certain kind of Grandma, I guess. When C. was little, I got to fulfill that dream. I got to take care of him every day and we had a blast. I loved being his grandma. Then L came along, and I cared for the two of them. Then one day L came to me and said accusingly, "You're not my REAL grandma!" and it was never the same. I told him that although I wasn't his daddy's mother, I loved him like I loved my own kids but to L it didn't matter. 

Then when A came along, I got to take care of him. That lasted until he was 3 ish, and then I guess his other grandma got jealous (?) or something, because I was always in trouble. So I stopped taking care of them, after I got in trouble for letting A. go outside with no shoes or socks, looking for bugs. Other Grandma dropped by as she usually did, to check on me, I guess. I'm not sure but that's what it seemed like. I could feel her disapproval of me.... anyway she screamed at him, and wouldn't look at me. I'm sure the parents got an earful, because they never asked me to take care of A again.

We did have the opportunity to care for my son's kids M and A. Now they are older, and we don't see them as often. The rest of the kids don't live as close, or they have Other Grandmas that care for them. My daughter is far away and living with Other Grandma.

So I'm letting go of a dream. I'm never going to be the grandma of my dreams. And that has to be ok. I know that most grandmas don't get to be That Kind of Grandma. My friend G. has grandkids all over the country. M's granddaughter lives far away too. In fact, I don't know anyone with the exception of in-laws who get to have a relationship with their grandparents.

I didn't. My grandma M. lived near us when I was very small, and died when I was 14. My grandma L. lived across the country. I saw her 5 or 6 times in my life. My grandpa M died before I was born. I remember going bowling with Grandpa L a few times but have very few memories of any of them.

It helps to write it out. And yes, it's out there in the public, and it's weird that I'm more ok with that than my own family reading it, although they could, if they knew it existed. 

It's taking me many years to get a handle on THINGS. Letting go is painful, but feels good at the same time. I have the couch full of OUT boxes, now to get K on board with it, because he HATES to let go of ANYTHING and it makes it very uncomfortable. I just have to. 

I've been reading a book, called NOBODY WANTS YOUR SH*T. Aside from the offensive language, there's a lot of truth in it. 

The best quote is this one (so far)

IT'S TIME TO LET GO OF WHO YOU USED TO BE AND EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE NOW.

So, who am I now? Someone who wants to stop hiding out and face life as it currently is. Pretty scary, in my opinion, that I got to This Age before I got totally fed up with myself. 

Gonna take a lot of patience, with me, with hubby. He needs to grow up too, but that's not MY issue; that's HIS. 

One day at a time. One thing at a time. 

Lots of grace, lots of love, lots of ice cream. No, really. There's this Carb Smart kind.... 

Every day one at a time

The usual motto applies. I guess it's a good life motto, one day at a time. Not sure how to make it through otherwise. It doesn't seem like it ought to be a difficult day today. But I am reminded of Judy all the time, and I guess it can go one of two ways. Up, or down. Up, and I am laughing at some obscure memory, like sitting at the dining room table with Judy and my dad and watching and listening as they threw puns back and forth at lightning speed. Or how protective she was of me when I was little even though I must have been a pain in the neck, being seven years younger and having to share not only a room but a twin bed with a 4 year old. But she was always sweet to me and never had a harsh word, even though when I think about it and if I was the older one, I would get frustrated. If she did, I never knew about it.

The down is harder. I keep thinking of all I should have done for her. But I can't go back, for one thing. And the other was SHE didn't tell me anything about what was going on. 

Got some more stuff dealt with today. Tomorrow is take out the garbage day and the can is pretty full, but I am going to see if I can fit Just One More Thing in it. And there's an empty box to fill and take to donate. Some things got washed and packed away again, like the picture below. My dad gave that to me when I was just a little girl. 

A new thought about keeping or letting go... is it pulling its weight? Truthfully, I only want things I am actively using, with few exceptions. So some things went in the garbage... that strainer that is rusty around the edges, the whisk that has lost one of its arms, that spatula that needs gluing but WHO CARES any more, I've done without it for awhile. Now, can I talk myself out of one of those ratty old blankets THAT MY MOTHER MADE?? Of course that's the kicker. I am not tossing my mother, it is worn out from being loved. 

Be brave, little piglet.

Great-Grandma Mills' amber glass trinket dish. Ruthanna Terrell Mills,  1843 - 1916

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Unimax Dolls of All Nations Collection

This beautiful doll is part of the Unimax Dolls of All Nations Collection. She is Carmela from Mexico, obviously not in her native dress. These dolls are wonderfully sturdy and I think will make great play dolls. I think they will survive little girls' rough play. She is in a dress from Susan Israel and BEJUSTME on Etsy.        Susan's facebook page

I love her clothes. This is the size for Ruby Red Fashion Friends, it makes a long dress on her but fits her well. I thought the Siblies dresses would fit, but they were too small around. These girls are sturdy, normal size bodies, not the skinny ones popular these days. 

Yes I like to make doll clothes. But when I saw Susan's, I just had to order some. I have two Fashion Friends but they don't mind sharing dresses. Not all Fashion Friends clothes fit these Unimax dolls. I am in the process of drafting some patterns for them. So my granddaughter's two Unimax girls should have full wardrobes in time for Christmas. Hopefully. Depression, Be GONE.

I have some catching up to do, so will probably be posting daily for a little while. I have to check and see if I posted some things. I think this is for only me but find that sometimes as many as 50 people read a post. Crazy. 

Even though I have done some pattern drafting, I decided to take a class from Chelly Wood on making pants patterns. Go to her website at chellywood.com and look around, lots of patterns for lots of sizes of dolls. And look into a class! 

 

Judy's Dolls (now sadly mine)

I've been identifying Judy's dolls. Trying to figure out what I should do with them, and what to do with some of my dolls as well. 

Judy mostly collected dolls from Disneyland. They are gorgeous. I did let some go already, the ones that were damaged, or missing parts. Like Cruella. Part of her hair was gone, looking nibbled. The feathers on her coat were all disintegrated. A couple others were not in great shape either, they were probably displayed long term and got very dusty and rotting.

These pictures are the ones I have saved. I have labeled each picture. More information as I research them more. These are in pretty good condition, a few need their hair combed, but for the most part are fine. 

But it makes me miss Judy. I wish she could enjoy the little bits of restoration I am doing, and be glad I have them. 

 

Looking for the positive...

Today was a CRAPPY day looking at it from here. But really not as bad as it looks at the moment. It just took me THREE HOURS to get a return label printed and figured out just what to say so it would actually be accepted for return. I ordered what I though were clear canisters to display dolls. The ad said see through on detailed reading, but they were cloudy, not clear like the picture. 

All of it made me feel REALLY STUPID AND OLD. I mean, I spent my career working with and on computers. Something dumb like I can't get it to print from my phone and I tried a lot of times. Then of course remembering it's a new phone and not set up for printing yet. DUH. Went to the printing service, now they want $18 a month. Got on Judy's computer, got the printer added, finally got it to print, but since I had not reset the printer, it printed many copies. I got it stopped at SEVEN double sided copies. 

I may have done some yelling during this process. Reminding me of the time I went down the hill (when living UP the hill) and screamed about something or other. The next day, one of my neighbors, who lived a mile or so from my house, called me and asked me if I had heard "that wild animal" in the night. I just said no. LOL but I knew who that wild animal was. I did not ever scream at the reservoir again. 

I did have a shopping spree at Dollar Tree today. I wanted some more notebooks, and since Judy's kitty loves to play fetch I got some more hair rubber bands so I don't have to search on the floor for one. I also got a couple sparkly notebook pockets for projects and a birthday card for my grandson. So had a little fun although it was HOT out.

My favorite drug store closed. That really makes me sad. A sign of the times I guess. What comes in my head is that there are worse times to come. But no more Thrifty's Ice Cream in Lodi. And those clerks are the best in Lodi. I am really going to miss their cheery faces. 

Some pictures of what I have done recently and a few of the cat. 

The first is a sweater designed for Bratz dolls by Tree Change Dolls. I made it with bigger yarn to fit the bigger doll. She is a Unimax doll from the Dolls of All Nations collection that came nude at the thrift store. She was the very first doll I collected as an adult. Her pants are made from a Dollar Tree sock!

The second picture is another sweater, the doll is a Ruby Red Fashion Friends doll named Kayla. She does not come with glasses LOL! I found them on the floor in Judy's craft room and didn't know who they went to. She collected some dolls, but mostly Disney Princess ones and other Barbie type dolls. There were some teddy bears too and that's who they probably belonged to but alas the bears were already gone. I figured the glasses would fit someone. 

The rest of the pictures of the cat Judy had to leave behind. She hid for a month or so but has turned into a lover kitty. I am glad she's ours but sad for the reason. Judy's house is now all remodeled and beautiful, I saw it online. She would have loved it. Wish we could have done it for her so she could have stayed home. So it's bittersweet. I miss her every day. 

Have a positive day! I'll try too. 

Losing my cousin...

 We've had an off and on kind of relationship, we both had very busy lives for a long time, me raising kids then working full time and her having a full social life while working full time. We lived together off and on growing up, and we kind of shared parents, since I got along better with her mom, and she got along better with mine! 

After she retired, we talked more often, and then I retired too, but COVID hit. We got together occasionally, but mostly phone conversations. She came to see me Thanksgiving 2023 but refused 2024. I didn't think much about it, but it might have been a clue if I had been looking for one.

A friend of hers called me and said she didn't think my cousin was telling me the truth about how she was doing. She was right. She could hardly stand. So we worked on convincing her to go to the doctor. But she kept refusing. I understand, I'm not great about going either. She finally decided to go.

She got diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer in February. That's how my husband and I celebrated Valentine's Day this year, in a hospital waiting room for 12 hours! She was there for a few days, but it was clear she wasn't going to be able to go home. A few days later, she was transferred to a care home, where she stayed until she died in early April. 

Sad because she's gone, glad she's not in pain. Sad because I can't call her, or be with her, or sit by her bed, or sing to her, or any of the things I've been doing with her the past 2 months. 

But she left me her computer, so I'm back on the blog. 

That's life, sad, sad, glad, sad, glad. They exist together. 

Then there's the cat (the black one. She lost her sister last year). She is still terrified and hiding. Yesterday and today she didn't run as fast, or hade as deeply. We may come to some kind of a truce at worst and become friends at best. Time will tell. The bad part is how scared she is without her sister or her mama. The good part is her name is Boots, same as the last Tuxedo we had. I won't call her the wrong name...