I have this dream, this desire, to get out my sewing machine and make a bunch of stuff, aprons, wall hangings, doll clothes, maybe even a quilt again. But my last cat ate thread and ended up with $2000 worth of surgery, and that quite a few years ago. I can only imagine how much such a procedure would cost now. So I'm nervous about it, and I really don't have another good place to set it up that is closed up from the cat. Maybe the garage???
Eating well is a mystery to me. I KNOW the answers, I do not DO what I need to do. I had a good breakfast, a salad for lunch, but odds and ends and snacks the rest of the day, and I never ate dinner. That is not helping 1) energy 2)weight loss 3)anxiety 4)my health. I keep thinking I need a PLAN. But it doesn't matter what I PLAN, I don't follow through. I found a chair exercise video that would be incredibly good for me. I have not done it.
I HAVE been keeping the kitchen clean, and the bathrooms relatively clean. I need to stop feeling like a total failure. I have cleaned out about half of the kitchen cabinets, and 2/3 of the drawers. Some are easy, some not so much. It was creepy to clean out one drawer, it was full of The First Wife's cookbooks and I have been just leaving them there, since husband doesn't want to get rid of them. That makes me uncomfortable all by itself. He was married to her way less than me, and she died a long time ago. Sad, but GET OVER IT ALREADY, right? I do not, however, wish to just push all of her memory away and forbid him to think about her, but can we at least get rid of the pink helmet and the bowling ball and the few pieces of her clothing hanging around? A few years ago, I did a scrapbook with pages in it that are in her honor.
All this is just too much information, but I am struggling a lot these days. There are so many things that need fixing/doing around here. And the news is not helping, everything is so unsure.
I read the book Nobody Wants Your S*** and I've been able to let go of more. I AM NOT THROWING OUT MY MEMORIES. I am not discarding the person attached to that thing, even though it feels like it. It doesn't matter whether or not I let go of the rest of my dad's ceramic creations, or his wooden ones. Let it go, let it go... I'm so tired. Physically, mentally. I'll probably delete this and do something different tomorrow. But we all have Those Days, honestly. I did have a great 1 1/2 hour phone conversation with a friend, that helps so much.
It's almost October and time to add another number to my age. I'm with my cousin Robert, I'm not getting older, my number is just getting higher.
Tomorrow (Sunday) I WILL WORK ON A PROJECT. Today I worked on a sock, I have about half the ribbing done. So if it's only that, it's ok. Part of my day will be setting up my sewing machine, making sure there is no loose thread hanging around, and gather the doll clothes that are already cut out, and make a list of my goals. Too much of a list? Maybe. Ok then, that's for this week?? At least find the thread and set up the machine.... the rest should be pretty easy.
Deep breath. Go to sleep. Thanks for listening, hopefully there's a person or two, not just some bots scanning for stuff to arrest me over. Nothin to see here. LOL
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