I find myself focusing on my heartbeat. It’s too fast. My blood pressure must be up. Maybe my blood sugar is off? Maybe I am dying or something…. see the familiar theme? I, I, I…. I Woman. A long time ago I wrote a poem about I woman and recognizing when I am being her. The I words, as I remember them. were Isolating, Irritating, Inconsolable, and I don’t remember the others… but I do recognize that I am being her, and she isn’t nice. Yesterday I was feeling all upbeat and now not so much. Oh Lord have mercy on me yet again.
Thankful for the stars. Remembering times when I have been away from the city lights and could see so many more of them. Missing home. Thankful that I had that home for a season…everything is indeed an astonishing gift. Thankful for getting a glimpse of that truth.
another car out of the shop… only one to go. Thankful that we have three cars to drive even if all three are getting old… we seem to always have at least one running!!
Searching for thankfulness helps calm me down and prepares me for gentle sleep.
You know, I like the thankful ME. It makes me smile all the time, and really, circumstances are not any different, E. still has dementia, I still haven’t held my new grandchild, I still have projects to finish up to my neck, and my hubby’s work situation is still bad. But Lord, You keep on giving and giving. I can see how much worse E’s mental state could be, and I live close enough to my children so I will get to see them often, and I have the talents and gifts to DO the projects… and hubby still has a job.
Thank You for loving me Lord, even when all I can see is just myself and when I don’t love when you put it in front of me. You are a wondrous, gracious God. Amazing that you love any of us. Thank You, thank You, thank You.
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