birthdays and sadness and thankfulness and trusting

so are birthdays sad? Sometimes, because the one who is having a birthday is so very far away and I have not seen my brother in more than a year, and before that,  years, and before that, years. And my mother and brother share a birthday, so that's sad too, because I can't wish her happy birthday, only in my thoughts. 

However, I have a brother. Even if he's far away and we have to work hard to stay connected. And with this pandemic, it makes me feel alone, because I often AM alone. I go outside and there is so much smoke from the fires it's hard to breathe. My little garden is suffering, it's full of ashes, and the zucchini doesn't ripen properly. Feeling like a failure with that. But it's not my fault we're in a heat wave, and there are like 500 fires in California. It's a long time until frost here, probably November, and I will probably have a bumper crop around October. And more tomatoes than I know what to do with. The yellow pear is NOT a yellow pear, however, they are ripening red, but they're pear shaped.

I've been working hard in the craft room, which I'd like to turn into partly a bedroom, so I can move the bed out of the dining room. It seems so endless, like I can't seem to make progress, but I can get into the craft room, and have even been making cards. I cleaned out 4 drawers, so I AM making progress.

Today's cards are odds and ends, things I had started, or that my sister in law did. She died this year, so there's more sad, I miss her lots. And as usual all the sad comes to the surface and demands attention. All the friends and acquaintances who died this year. Which reminds me that I need to write to Dorothy, whose daughter died a couple months ago. The sadness of seeing the numbers rise from pandemic deaths. The sadness seeing the hate and division in our country. Seeing my kitty lying around and wondering if Now is when she's dying. She's about 15 with diabetes, and intestinal issues since she had surgery from eating a bunch of sewing thread. But this morning she was speeding like a kitten from one end of the house to the other, leaping over furniture and landing on a chair and then falling off and racing out to the garage. Who needs television when she's acting like that!

This (above) is a stencil, then home made ink spray with Catherine Pooler inks

Found this stamped on a piece of paper in a drawer. I remember, stamped with crayola markers on a stamp. That was all I had at the time. I don't even know if I have that stamp any more but it was one of my favorites.

In Real Life, the purples match better, and you can't see the wrinkles, I may iron it a bit. This cross stitch was done by my sister in law Loretta, so I may send it to her brother for Thanksgiving.

I made this card awhile ago but loved it and didn't want to let it go. But I'm sending it to my brother for his birthday next week... That house is dry embossed from a little plastic rubbing plate in a kid's play set and then lightly brushed with distress ink. Twine from the Dollar Tree! Once in awhile there's some really good stuff there. 

Little by little, piece by piece, it's either getting put away or going in the out pile. This is still painful, since it's Loretta's, my mom and dad's, my mother in law's... who have all died in the last few years. 

So, birthdays and sadness. Thanksgiving and trusting come a little harder some days.