My name is Lindy. I am a HOARDER/COLLECTOR.
Her house was a 3 story "mansion" and mine is a 1 story... well ordinary 3 bedroom house. She had so much stuff you couldn't get upstairs. It wasn't dirty, just a LOT of stuff. Mine isn't dirty either. I remember watching one that was a cat lady, and there were bodies in there. And then there was the man who was missing for 3 years before they found him... I do not have animal bodies, or cat feces all over, or a kitchen full of stinky sink. I never did have animal bodies, but in one house we had around 5 cats and when we were moving found... stuff in corners. It's not like that here, and I have pretty much trained myself to not leave the kitchen dirty. I remember back when I was single parenting 5 and the kitchen was not always good. So I am not as bad as all that. BUT.... I am a procrastinator, I am a very good procrastinator. I have plenty to prove it. Like that wall hanging. I started that in around 2007. I finished the front quickly but then it got hung up in the store, just the front, and when I quit the job it just got put into a box. The back is now done and ready for quilting. It should only take me an hour or so. But still. 13 years????? And then there's that one sock that never got a mate crocheted, I lost the pattern.
ok REMINDER TWO. I am highly distractable, which shows in that last paragraph, I can easily just wander around and get a little of this done and a little of that but never get done what I started out to do. I remember having a distinct schedule once. I don't remember what that was though. Something like, Monday kitchen Tuesday bathrooms Wednesday bedrooms Thursday laundry Friday I don't remember if that was it, but something like that. When I had kids here, I also had HELPERS. I struggled then, but the kids helped me stay on task, and got involved in the whole process.It also helped to have a foster child, because we got surprise inspections, and that is indeed motivating.
Reminder THREE. I am dealing with Mom and Dad's stuff, even Grandma and Grandpa's chests and tables, the Civil War dresser that was my mom's treasure, tables and such that my father built, the ceramics that he made, the little boxes collection of my mom's that I love, the sweaters and hats she knitted, stuff that was Loretta's, Grandma Butler's, Evelyn's... a table that was my aunt's?? I look at their stuff, and they are all departed... and I KNOW that I am not throwing THEM out.... some of it that was Loretta's I took because she asked me to, she said she didn't want it just donated. BUT WHAT THEN??? I remember my mom "feeling the power" when my dad died and I think that's true, there's also a LOT here that is Kerry's, that he doesn't care about but does not want to let go.... go karts, a motorcycle that hasn't been ridden in around 30 years, a car that doesn't run... I think if I were (God forbid) left alone, well, I would call his sons and we would feel the power.
Reminder FOUR These people in these shows have a team of ten or more to deal with stuff. They just pick it up and go. They hire a dumpster and dump it. I can't stand to think of that. If you donate it, however, there's a good chance it's going to end up in a landfill somewhere anyway. I don't even have ME that is good at throwing things away.
One day at a time. I will celebrate the clean sink and clean bathrooms. That is better than it used to be. It's funny, I don't admit this stuff to people and yet I put it out there on a blog that is public. Reminds me however of my grandpa, who wrote a column in a newspaper, had articles in a magazine, and nobody knew until later. I didn't have the pleasure of getting to know my grandpa directly, but I see his heart in his writings. It shocked me to think that I don't share stuff with my kids, will they know ME by my writing??
A big help has been allowing myself to create. I thought for years that I couldn't until "stuff was done" and then I never got to it. And so I get out my autoharp or uke or keyboard and let myself play, and every day try to get some kind of creating done, project worked on.... no matter if I got "stuff" done. Then I usually end up getting something done.
Lately I've been fighting severe depression. It helped that Michelle Obama came out and said she has also been depressed. I think we all are. We're sacrificing and isolating so we aren't part of the pandemic problem... but there's this little part of me that says, what if we're wrong, what if this is all a game someone is playing... and then I hear another report of another outbreak, and see lots of groups like the RNC and rallies and NASCAR and all the protesters... and this is a very conservative town, so there's that. it's all crazymaking.
I know I am not alone in all this, but I really don't talk to anyone about anything, and that in itself is crazymaking, even for an introvert. I don't reach out because I don't know what to say, and yet I can write and write. Not only here, but I have notebooks full of writing, thoughts, stories, poems, art journaling, painting.... A bit strange don't you think?
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